This month for me is all about setting boundaries and saying no. Saying no, this isn't working, this isn't a good fit, this isn't right for me. Drawing lines in the sand, and standing by my choices.
This saying no doesn't come so easily to me. Once I have decided to do something I give it 110%. I fully commit, I'm all in. I guess that must be the Leo in me. Because of this loyalty and commitment, when I have tried every angle and exhausted all the options and whatever it might be still isn't working, I can feel it is a failure. I have failed. I didn't do enough, didn't try hard enough, didn't do enough to MAKE it work.
Several years ago when I realised I no longer wanted to work in TV dramas because of the crazy long hours and life consuming routine, I fell into a deep depression. I had spent years building up my career with no contacts, working for free and crawling my way up. To finally admit it wasn't for me was soul destroying. I couldn't see the positives and the ways forward, I could only see my failure after years of hard graft. Funnily enough, it was about that time that I started taking my yoga practice seriously.
With a lot of inner work, yoga, self love and motivation techniques I crawled my way out of that dark place. I could finally see a light and a way forward.
Now several years later if something isn't working the old demons try to come back. "You've failed again, Helen..." they begin to whisper in my ear. Now I don't listen. I brush those demons off my shoulder and analyse what's gone right and what's gone wrong. I ask myself these questions:
Did I do the best I could do given the circumstances?
Are there parts to this that are completely out of my control?
Was I kind, honourable and fair?
Have I taken my time to come to this decision with a clear and calm mind?
Have I acted with integrity?
If the answer to all of these is yes, I know that I can walk away from something and know I did the best I could.
A lovely and very soulful friend reminded me the other day: "when one door closes another one opens..." It's so true. Often when we finally let go of something, wonderful things come our way to fill that void. Life holds for us so many bountiful and abundant opportunities for rich and fulfilling lives. It is up to us to work out our best path forward. To do the inner work of self love and self acceptance so that we don't waste our time in fear, guilt or self loathing. None of us is perfect and mistakes are there as our soul guides on the path. We learn, we revaluate we take another step in front of the other.
Keep walking forward with love. With so much acceptance and love.